roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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