Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
