I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
