She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
