You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
