Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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