What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
love makes seman taste better
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They have beer where we have blood.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
