I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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