I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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