I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
