i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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