dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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