Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
