note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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