I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
