He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
