Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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