I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
