can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
