I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
