so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
