He is such a slut. More and more my type.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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