it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
