I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
