I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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