Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
