Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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