So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
