I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
