Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
