There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
