I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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