I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
