so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
