It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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