Pants 0. Shit 1.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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