You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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