it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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