The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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