Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
