he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
