I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
