They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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