the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We need to feng shui this bitch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
