Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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