there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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