He had one of those small greek statue penises
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
