do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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