the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
two words: eviction party
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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