I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
