I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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