The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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