We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We're too hungover to prance.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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