bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
