I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's official drugs can't kill me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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