are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
