We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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