I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
