We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
