Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
