True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
