I cockslap morals
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
