its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
