What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
