i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
