Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
