I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
