i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
